Contrary to what my neighbors will tell you, I am a man (mostly machine) of highly developed morals, and anyone that challenges that statement is just begging to be tied up and raped with the corpse of my neighbors’ cat. I’m just kidding, there – that lil guy’s still alive.

As evidence of this claim (the morality one, not the decree to molest people with a cat), I present you, dear reader, with an actual conversation I recently had with E. Gauger on the heady subjects of religion, criminal justice, and fusing the morbidly obese to couches.
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