Category Archives: animation

INVADER ZIM Fact #13

Stop reading before you get to the bear stuff.

Man, are you lucky. My travels have settled down a bit and I’ve got more time to make this entry a bit more up to par with what you’ve grown spoiled on and used to. Sometimes, and understandably so, I really wish I could just trade places with you that I might experience the way your heart beats a bit faster and your eyes light up at the prospect of me delivering yet another spoonful of this magic stuff I’m doling out, injecting directly into your heart with a syringe forged in the fire of MT. AWESOME.

Before I get into today’s quality fact infusion, I’ve a few things I want to mention before I do. As you all know, I’m currently in Seattle for the Emerald City Comicon. You probably also know that I am drinking some green tea, wearing only my writing robe, looking down upon the city from up high in my hotel room. I’m looking back on a day of wondrous sights and profound conclusions arrived at. Let me share with you, my ugly children, a few of these things.
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INVADER ZIM Fact #12

Yesterday’s post was the least popular of all, despite it containing

1. Toilets – Everybody uses them
2. Clowns – Everybody hates them
3. Nilbog Milk – Everybody who drinks it turns to goblin food

The drastic drop in readership here is just astounding, and, I’ve got to say, perplexing. I do my damnedest to provide the kind of information that simply cannot be found from any other source (save for possibly a handful of lower order demons) and I’m giving it out for free. FOR FREE!

What more do these people need to stop this mass exodus from my once-packed church of ZIM-truths? Honestly, I don’t know, but I can tell you what I will do in response.

I’m going to double my efforts to enlighten the misinformed children of the intersack, tighten my reign on the rumor-donkey that has thus far bucked off my every attempt to control its ornery ways. I’m going to make that donkey my bitch, and just when that donkey calms down enough for me to look it in the eye, that donkey is going to throw another fit because it’ll know that not only do I want to control it, I want to fuck it.
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INVADER ZIM Fact #11

So I had hoped to write a few of these irrefutable facts ahead of time so as to simply have to upload them from my futuristic phone at the proper times while I was away on adventures. Well, that proved to be a bit more difficult than I had anticipated and yesterday’s wildly popular post ended up being the only one I had queued up in what should have been a full barrel of rumor-dispelling artillery.
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INVADER ZIM Fact #10

If you are reading this message then it means that I am already dead.

I’ve my suspicions who who might have done me in, but this is neither the time nor place to get into that.

I’ll be dead for a couple of days, it looks like, and the afterlife apparently looks like Seattle where I’m attending the Emerald City Comicon and Discount Shoe Expo.  It should be a fine time on my end as I love any opportunity to hang around in Seattle, living in L.A like I do.  Having two shit-covered gorillas drag me out of bed and punch me repeatedly against an elephant’s ass until I fold and get mashed all the way up and in would be a damn fine getaway from L.A, but Seattle’s all the joy of that encounter without the awful stuff.
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INVADER ZIM Fact #9

Dingy dingy dingy dingy! BOOOOOF! zzzuuuUHHHHHHHH.

Number nine.  Number nine.  Number nine…

Hahah!  Get it?  Neither do I.

Alright, moving on.

The response these posts are getting has been overwhelming, becoming increasingly unpopular in ways I could never have anticipated!  So I’ll do my best to keep it up and you just keep slumping more and more unpleasantly in your chair until I’ve no voice left from screaming and ranting incessantly and you’re just a dust covered skeleton collapsed around that lawn chair you’ve been fusing to the past week or so.

I’ve gotta say, however, that I’m a bit disturbed by what some people are starting to say about my humanitarian efforts to enlighten some folks, that I am perhaps making some of this stuff up, not sticking entirely to the facts.

ME.  Making things up.  ME!!
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