Category Archives: animation

INVADER ZIM Fact #23

A google search for obstacle course gets you this. Where are the rats? The rusty nails?

Look, I know you’re tired.  I’m tired, too, but we have to keep gong on, alright?  These things are killing me as much as they’re killing you, but you don’t see me getting all cranky, do you, you miserable garbage-faced lizard?

When I was a little kid and I’d get a cut from running scraping against something, or from not being good enough when running the obstacle course my dad would make me run on occasion to prove that I was worth carrying on the Vasquez name, making him unhappy as the razorwire would slice bloody tracks down the flesh of my back, I would do a thing to make the pain less immediate.  What I’d do is to project my thinking weeks, days or even just hours away from the moment in my present where the pain was so pressing.  Knowing that time healed all wounds, I would simply rewire my mind to exist in that time to come where the wounds were healed and the pain just a memory.
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INVADER ZIM Fact #22

Yesterday’s entry was maybe just a bit too amazing, I think, and I have to restore the balance by making today’s twice as awful.  Them’s the rules, as they say, and who am I to break them?

Besides, today I’m just a bit too busy to be sitting here not doing what I should be doing when not doing what I’m currently doing, writing this entry for you.

Baking these words with love.
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INVADER ZIM Fact #21

These ZIM facts are old enough to drink now, eh?  Pretty crazy to think that just a few weeks ago they were still chubby and new and crawling around on the carpet, shitting everywhere and almost suffocating to death when we left it in the parking lot while getting pizza.  Soon they’ll be shitting themselves again, I guess, only not nearly as cute, and smelling of death.

But let’s focus on the positive, please.  Let’s not get bogged down in gloomy thoughts.  ZIM Facts is still vital enough, still able to throw the ol’ ball around without needing to take so many “breathers”, and pretending it’s just a cramp and not really a ruptured lung or something.

So today’s falls on a Sunday, and we all have better things to do, right?  I know I do.  I’ve got a friend coming over and we’re gonna try to make new flavors of tea with things that aren’t actually tea, like pencil shavings and cereal flakes.  I watched Ratatouille again recently and I got to thinking that maybe I have that ability to pair flavors and sensations in such a way as to create some pretty great stuff.  So far everything I’ve made has made me throw up to where it really hurts, but I’m not giving up.  Never give up, that’s what I always say.  Shut the hell up and taste it.  That’s another thing I say.
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INVADER ZIM Fact #20

THE MAN. THE LEGEND. THE MONSTER.

I know I threw an entry focused on the writing for the show just a few days ago, but you really have no say in the matter and it’s not like you’re not a vegetable by now and I enjoy your company so much more now than when you were able to kick and scream and plead for mercy.

You know what, though?  I think that, even if you did still have any of your brain left, you’d give your cries for someone to please come help you escape from “this screaming hell” a rest and actually be pretty interested in what today’s ZIM FACT was about.  Woah…did you just move your pinky?  Hmmm…  Hold on while I go get the power drill.

Now, theeeere…isn’t that so much better?  Yeah, sometimes the brain tries to repair itself by assigning certain functions over to sectors not originally intended to perform said functions.  You read about it now and then, but you rarely see it in action!  Pretty amazing, the workings of the human body.  Either way, I just drilled the fuck outta that thing again, so you should be pretty quiet again.
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INVADER ZIM Fact #19

I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU, TAPE.

It’s just you and me now, man.  Everyone else has pretty much given up hope that there’ll be anything worth learning from these entries and they’ve gone back to their 40 character snippets of info fired from the Twitter cannons into their brains.  Not you, though.  You love the torture of reading beyond a single paragraph.  You’re special.  You’re also so terribly brain damaged that you think you’re a roll of duct tape.  You’re my only friend now.

I’ll be honest with you, Sticky, taking on this ZIM FACT a day thing was a bit of a major undertaking for someone with as many video games and bars of fine candy to eat as I have.  Right now I should be playing God of War 3, trying not to cringe at the horrible dialogue and voice acting while stabbing monsters and nearly choking on the pool of chocolate attracting bugs in my open mouth.
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