So I had hoped to write a few of these irrefutable facts ahead of time so as to simply have to upload them from my futuristic phone at the proper times while I was away on adventures. Well, that proved to be a bit more difficult than I had anticipated and yesterday’s wildly popular post ended up being the only one I had queued up in what should have been a full barrel of rumor-dispelling artillery.
Continue reading
Tag Archives: clowns
It starts with Piclens. It ends with Alf rape.
Woah there, Clickiford! Before you hit play on that lil’ video there, indulge me a moment and hear the tale of my finding it.
INT. THE STORYTELLING ROOM – NIGHT
JHONEN sits next to a warm fire, the wire mesh over the fireplace keeping the wee children from shambling into the dangerous flame should they tire of his meandering tales, while simultaneously keeping the lesser of the young ones from escaping the unimaginable death that being trapped in the fireplace means. The smell of-
Okay, nevermind the screenplay format. Moving on…
So a friend is over, and I’m showing them the latest version of Piclens in Firefox.  They’re oohing and ahhing, because Piclens is just pretty great, and I’m feeling like Prometheus giving fire to the humans so they can start disfiguring themselves horribly in countless attempts to impress their friends by lighting fireworks in their anuses.  So, in Piclens, I do a search for “baby goats”, having recently watched ‘The Story of the Weeping Camel’, and you can never really get enough baby goats, and a hideous preview image of a man in a tub of shit, or blood, or bloody shit doing something questionable to Alf scrolls in, impressively mind you, thanks to the effects in Piclens, and we start watching it, just as you are about to do…now.
Now, here’s the thing…just a few seconds into watching it, I clicked on the icon to view it on the actual youtube page, which through some funny behavioral quirk, gave me two tabs both playing the same video. Â The entire time, unbeknownst to me, Â the audio is doubling up turning this masterpiece of dirty clownage into a haunting nightmare soundscape that silenced me for way too long, looking over my shoulder wondering if maybe someone had slipped me something at the Ramen place earlier in the night (you know how those Japanese chefs are). Â Anyhow, to literally double the impact this video has, I suggest you open up two instances of it in individual tabs, and start playing both slightly out of sync. Â
I imagine that viewing the video in this fashion simulates the way kids who start fires in churches experience the universe.
(Update: Â Looks like the video got pulled thanks to a certain lack of appreciate of the finer things in life by the Youtube folks, so do try to enjoy the rest of the equally lovely work to be found on GOATWORSHIP’s page. )