Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-03-13

  • @asmadasbirds I go out of my way to make sure I sit next to you on flights while wearing my best sandals and shorts and you say this now? in reply to asmadasbirds #
  • Check out my new, real-world, constantly updated, projected onto the sky webcomic about passing clouds. Go on. Look up. That’s me. #
  • Cynics say I.Q’s are dropping all around, but one look at today’s youth and hope just skyrockets. http://tinyurl.com/daeubk #
  • So, I’m sitting here, just relaxing and smoking up some premium Smarties, and I’m thinking life’s not so bad. This shit is good. #
  • Should I be happy that so many people headed my instructions to not ask HORRIBLE questions resulting in me getting almost NO questions? #
  • The obvious answer is yes, but the deeper implications are devastating. #
  • Saw a guy EATING Smarties, and not smoking them. I almost through up, but started choking on Smarties dust for about 20 minutes. #
  • Almost THREW up. The ‘through’ was a side effect of the Smarties, man. This shit’ll fuck you up. Don’t end up like me, you awful people. #
  • But thanks to the people who think I actually dunno which word was meant to be there. You guys are doing the Lord’s work…I guess. #
  • I picture them getting updates with typos on their phone, doing cartoonish spit takes, and pulling over in traffic to point out mistakes. #
  • “This shall not stand!”, they cry out as the car plows through a mail box, tapping on their phones with terrible intensity. #
  • Having done the deed, a heavy COD4 guitar riff signifies that they’ve just leveled up from all the XP. New perks have been unlocked! #
  • You guys need a name. Like a collective name to make referring you lousy lot all at once a simpler thing. Considering the options now… #
  • Ooh…best suggestion, from a follower no less: “CUNTS” #
  • Might make it a monthly thing, coming up with a new collective name. Not going with “cunts”, by the way. Too regal. #
  • “Pedantic Twats” only covers a small portion of you, so no there. Reserving that for special occasions, though, as it’s too sexy to ignore. #
  • Your collective name for the month of March is “Elaine”. Carry on. #
  • This new post glows in the dark! http://tinyurl.com/bp7tnj #
  • @3liza So….a “Dooky”? in reply to 3liza #
  • @alienkid Random’s for grade-school amateurs. Controlled absurdity is where the magic is. Still, smoking Smarties is beyond my power. in reply to alienkid #
  • @3liza I’ll have Stan Grossman look at you’re proposal. Looks pretty sweet. in reply to 3liza #
  • @cunch ‘Slitstream’ in reply to cunch #
  • @3liza Pink taco sauce. in reply to 3liza #
  • @3liza Actually just ‘taco sauce’. Has a better flow. in reply to 3liza #
  • @3liza I’d imagine those are meat curtains that you choke on. in reply to 3liza #
  • Anyone have a spare sack of US to Australian power adapters? Thanks. #
  • Thanks, Elaine. You’ve been most helpful. #
  • @enicolle Thanks, but I’m still trying to use up the ones I already have. in reply to enicolle #
  • I name you after the honorable Elaine Riddick Jessie and your only point of reference is Seinfeld? Turn your televisions off, Elaine. #
  • @rstevens You’re saying that The Search for Spock was better than The Wrath of Khan? Is that what I’m reading there? in reply to rstevens #
  • @rstevens Wait…are you now saying that USB 3 is Christopher Lloyd, and USB 2 is The Montalban? in reply to rstevens #
  • @3liza Genital definition is precisely what I’m lacking. I never get picked out during police lineups for my genital transgressions. in reply to 3liza #
  • ‘Genital Transgressions’ is my punk band’s name, by the way. #
  • Because videos like this bring joy, and quality beeps: http://tinyurl.com/abp3bx #
  • The Wii moans feebly under the game cabinet, drowned out by the airliner whine of the reinstated 360. Its time is short. #
  • Wii cries out that Mad World is now in stores. 360 distracts me with a “Dickensian Achievement” for watching Bleak House on Netflix. #
  • Pssst. Hey, Elaine, @cunch has new stuff up at her store. Times are hard, so be a hobo with neat goods: http://tinyurl.com/cl2qgf #
  • Thought I’d take Wii for a walk as it doesn’t get much air these days. Barely out the door and it got jumped by a possum. #
  • Not so much in retaliation but out of its terrible need for blood, the PS3 flew out, paralyzed the possum, desiccating it in seconds. #
  • My kingdom for an iphone app development team. My kingdom, however, is currently a refrigerator box. It does have a moat, though. #
  • @cunch bringing her button maker over today. Unlike most modern types, this one is a tiny, functional dinosaur like in the Flintstones. #
  • Post: Elderly Bits: MSI Motion Test – http://tinyurl.com/asy452 #